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To my husband, David, for your love,
patience, and endless support
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Introduction
All the World’s a Stage 1
PART ONE
The Missing Link to Communicating Confidently
1 An Approach Less Taken 9
2 What’s Your Nervousness Profile? 20
3 Surface Obstacles: the Easy Fixes 30
4 Hidden Obstacles: Our Six Dreadly Fears . . .
and Where They Come From 49
5 Clearing Your Instrument and Getting Beyond
What’s Holding You Back 74
PART TWO
Developing Your Way of Working
6 Bringing Your Message to Life 91
7 Doing What Comes Naturally:
the Five Physical Skills That Get You There 142
8 You Can’t Dance Until You Know the Steps:
CONTENTS
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the Power of Rehearsal 175
9 Putting It All Together: It’s Showtime! 189
INDEX
203
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Credits
Cover
Copyright
About the Publisher
Contents
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A Funny Thing Happened on the
Way to the Forum
Dynamic and effective public speaking has been a concern since
the days when Demosthenes stuffed marbles in his mouth to keep
from stuttering at his legions of listeners in the Parthenon. And
for many working Americans today, it is a concern that has only
deepened. I’ve seen this confirmed not only in the growth of my
business but in major newspaper and magazine articles, as well.
For example, a recent edition of the New York Times noted,
“Workplace specialists say fear of public speaking is one of the
most common career-stoppers in America.” According to a recent
Gallup poll, forty percent of Americans are terrified at the thought
of talking to an audience (the only thing they dread more is
snakes!). The article concludes that the ability to communicate in
front of a group is becoming increasingly important in our age of
electronic communication, when more and more companies are
placing a higher premium on face-to-face interaction.
INTRODUCTION
All the World’s a Stage
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In other words, expectations are high these days for people in
virtually every career or business to communicate in as polished
and persuasive a manner as the professional interviewees we see
everywhere on television. The inability to do so can damage a per-
son’s personal or professional credibility and career.
For example, George, a client of mine who runs a manufactur-
ing company headquartered in New York City, started out as an
accountant, so he’s completely at ease speaking to individuals or
small, intimate groups. In fact, he’s very dynamic in such situa-
tions. But as a successful entrepreneur, he’s now required to put
himself before much larger groups of people at stockholder meet-
ings and so on. Because he lacks experience speaking to large
groups, he slips into a monotone, which prevents his real dynamic
self from coming through, thus reflecting badly on his credibility
as a strong leader.
During a recent downturn in his business, George had to
deliver an important speech to a combined gathering of almost
four hundred employees and stockholders. The purpose was to
shore up morale and reassure investors that the company could
weather the current down market.
Using the methods I will present in this book, we explored the
underlying issues relating to his uneasiness about speaking before
groups, then applied some exercises to address them, making spe-
cific, targeted changes to his delivery style and reframing his mes-
sage so that he’d appear more human.
The results were immediate and significant. George’s speech
became more focused and personal; by incorporating experiences
from his accounting years and relating them to his entrepreneur-
ship in a humorous, self-effacing, and anecdotal way, he con-
nected with his audience on a more intimate level, as if he were
speaking to each person one on one. And as his nonverbal skills
(body language, eye contact, hand gestures, and so on) grew
stronger, they supported rather than distracted from his delivery.
At the event itself, the audience took to George’s message just
Speak Without Fear
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as he’d hoped—because he was able to communicate his real self.
He not only looked but he sounded like a person in command of a
company of significance, someone whom others would want to
follow.
My conclusion, drawn from working closely with hundreds of
individuals with benign forms of stage fright like George’s or the
more extreme forms of panic and nervousness experienced by oth-
ers, is that anyone who suffers any form of stage fright can accom-
plish what George did, in either a group setting or face to face.
No matter how anxious you are about going before an audi-
ence, any audience, whether it’s one or a thousand; no matter how
many jobs or other opportunities you have passed up, or lost,
because of it, you can combat your stage fright and liberate your-
self to speak without fear—that is, comfortably, confidently, com-
pellingly—in any circumstance.
The Importance of Being Earnest
My program for overcoming stage fright and developing a style of
communicating that is natural and authentic grew out of my early
background as an actress on the New York stage and in televi-
sion. This solution consists of identifying both the practical (e.g.,
lack of a skill) and the emotional (e.g., fear of being criticized)
hindrances that are standing in our way and working through
them. Missing from all other books and methods on public speak-
ing, and winning friends and influencing people, this component
is critical.
Look at it like putting out a fire where there is a lot of billowing
smoke. Similar to nervousness, which is just a symptom of what’s
holding you back, the smoke is just a symptom of the fire. Aiming
a hose at the smoke won’t put the fire out. You need to identify the
source of the fire in order to extinguish it. Without adding this
critical component to the mix, no amount of tools, tips, or other
Introduction
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how-tos for auditioning, interviewing, speechmaking, or present-
ing effectively will produce results that last.
How to Use This Book
Part 1 will take you through the process of determining your level
of skill and anxiety. This will have an impact on how quick and
easy the fix may be, because it will help expose the why behind
your anxiety—whether it’s attributable totally to a lack of experi-
ence or need of a particular skill, a deeper emotional inhibiter, or
perhaps a combination of the two. I have often found in my work
that even clients whose primary difficulty is lack of a particular
skill may have an emotional component, however small, prevent-
ing them from getting to their next level. Therefore, whether you
are just beginning to hone your speaking skills or you are a more
seasoned professional, I encourage you to read part 1 carefully.
Here is where you will:
❚ determine all the issues—whether skill-based and / or emo-
tional—standing in your way of being an effective communi-
cator
❚ learn techniques designed to bring any negative emotions
accompanying hidden obstacles to the surface and clear them
away
❚ visualize a new possibility for yourself and make it a reality
In part 2, you will then be taken through the process of com-
bining your newfound freedom from whatever degree of anxiety
you may have with some straightforward tools, tips, and exercises
that will enable you to develop and master a technique for speak-
ing naturally and persuasively in any circumstance.
These tools, tips, and exercises are not “one size fits all” but are
adaptable to your level of experience and need. Just as in part 1,
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